HSBC: A Salute to Evil

Evil Recognition: HSBC

I would like to take a moment to salute a fellow evil genius, who has been quite successful in advancing the cause of evil in the world.

Douglas Jardine Flint of HSBC has successfully assumed leadership of a multinational bank that the United States government has deemed to large to prosecute, even though they are directly aiding terrorists and drug cartels.  This is an evil empire with some real Chutzpah.

HSBC, we here at Malevolent Genius salute you.


http://www.nbcnews.com/business/banking-giant-hsbc-pay-record-1-9-billion-money-laundering-1C7541128

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-18880269

http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2012/12/10/hsbc-said-to-near-1-9-billion-settlement-over-money-laundering/?ref=business

Patience is an Evil Virtue.

Evil Virtues: Patience

Patience is the second essential trait for successful evil. More plots have been foiled by an impatient mastermind than by any determined investigator.   Toppling nations, subverting religions, and unleashing targeted plagues takes time. A moment of frustrated impulsivity can ruin decades of work.

Henchmen will argue that there is no point in being evil if you can't instantly have whatever you want.  These henchmen are playing checkers, while the masterminds are playing three-dimensional, four-player chess.  Such henchmen are disposable tools, and should be disposed of quickly.

Cultivating patience is difficult.   Most people are not able to master all of their impulses, and are not honest enough to admit their impulses can be plan killing.  But we are not most people.  We are evil masterminds, capable of presiding over multi-generational  plots for universal domination.  I say universal, rather than global, because truly ambitious evil seeks to rule over all of the material plane, not just one planet.

A good starting point for developing deeper patience is to learn to sit quietly and still for ten minutes. Many masterminds find classical music helpful in this. Cats are also a useful tool, as it is a time consuming and largely futile task to bend a feline to your will. It can be done, which is why so many successful masterminds have small white cats.

The cultivation of patience will be an ongoing pursuit, and a constant admonition on our journey toward mastering evil.

Honest to Goodness Evil.

Evil Virtue: Honesty

There are many important aspects and facets of evil, but the foundation of any true evil is blunt honesty.  This is shocking to many evil novices.  They think evil entails lying and deceiving nonstop.  This is simply not the case.  Being evil requires the ability to stare unblinkingly at reality and call a spade a spade.

This is not to say that deception isn't a tool of evil, but in order to be truly evil you have to be able to admit what you are and who you are to yourself.

You also have to be able to analyze any given situation and recognize it for what it is, for the opportunities it presents, and the road blocks it places.

For instance,  "No one is coming to save you. "  This is a hard truth for many to accept. As such, they sit around waiting for some nebulous "them" to solve the big problems in life, when in reality it is entirely up to each individual to solve life's big problems.

Here's another one, "People are stupid." We chuckle, and agree; but then accept the judgment of doctors, lawyers, politicians, and so many others.  The truth is, these people are just as stupid as everyone else.

Here is the hardest one: "I am flawed.". No one is good at acknowledging their flaws, and Western Civilization strongly discourages it, but everyone is flawed.  Being able to acknowledge your flaws means you can take steps against them. Failing to do so means others will take steps to exploit them.
So, yes.  The first step to being magnificently evil is learning to be unflinchingly honest.

We begin cultivating evil honesty with a hard look at ourselves.  Here is a simple assessment:

1.) What are your greatest accomplishments?
2.) What are you most skilled at?
3.) What are you least skilled at?
4.) What brings you joy?
5.) What frustrates you?
6.) What do you want to accomplish this year?
7.) How realistic is that goal?
8.) What is your new, realistic goal?
9.) Who can you rely on to keep your secrets?
10.) Who can  you rely on the show up to help?
11.) Do they have a sturdy shovel?
12.) Who relies on you?
13.) How important is that relationship?
14.) How much time and effort have you put into that important relationship this week?
15.) If you're neglecting them, won't they eventually turn on you and spoil your whole evil plot?
16.) Are you going to invest time and energy in your important relationship, or sacrifice them to Cthulhu?
17.) What measures have you taken to dispose of the forensic evidence from your sacrifices?  (Seriously, CSI has been on for twenty years.  Plan for this stuff.)


The next step is patience.

Evil 101

Welcome to Evil 101.  I am going to take you on a trip to the Darkside, covering the basics of evil plotting, getting away with the petty crimes necessary to move on to diabolical schemes, and recruiting talented henchmen.

Welcome, my minions, to the world's greatest course on evil.